


Can't You See My Love?

by Loveislove87



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-06-26 14:55:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15665493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loveislove87/pseuds/Loveislove87
Summary: Robert and Aaron are starting to drift apart, losing focus on what's truly important, when an accident threatens to challenge them and maybe remind them both of what matters.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! I've seen folks say they'd love a health focused story for Robert and I couldn't agree more! Here's my little take!
> 
> Canon divergent so no Lachlan or Rebecca. I may end up including why they're not involved but it won't be imperative to the story. 
> 
> A good amount of Seb here so if that's not your thing, you'll want to avoid this.
> 
> Thanks for reading!!

Aaron woke up in a foul mood.  Just as he had the last few weeks. 

He felt the duvet, too hot and too scratchy, restricting his movements.  His pillow was too flat and, as per lately, Robert was sleeping as far from Aaron as seemed possible.

Untangling himself as gently as possible, he turned onto his back, staring blankly at the ceiling.

His mum had told him that all couples go through this, especially when children are added to the mix.  You become so busy that when you do have the chance to see each other, all you manage do is nag and complain and argue.  It’s as though all the pent-up bullshit from every aspect of their lives flies out when they see each other.  Maybe it happens to everyone but it’s breaking Aaron down.

As he absentmindedly scratches his torso, feeling some of the raised skin there, he thinks about what they’ve been trying to balance on their plates recently.  Liv’s been trying to discover herself.  Recently 18, she’s waiting on uni, taking shifts at the pub and helping at the vet’s office.  She’s staying out of trouble for the most part but it’s like Aaron and Robert are constantly holding their breath, afraid of the moment something hurts her or disappoints her, and they have to pick her back up again.  Then there’s Seb, the wild toddler who is determined to explore every aspect of the world…right now.  They find him everywhere with his hands in everything and when they try to teach and show boundaries, the boy’s lung power seems inhuman.  Terrible two’s is bullshit.  Three is a parent’s nightmare. 

Aaron twists his neck, a bit sore from spending extra hours at the scrapyard, to see the time.  It’s early but not too early to get up.  It’s Saturday and he’s being stupidly optimistic that his family will spend some time together today.  He stretches arms overhead tapping the headboard, legs stretched out in front of him.  He accidentally groans a bit too loud, the stretch feeling glorious and Robert stirs in his sleep.  Aaron freezes but Robert just readjusts and goes back to his quiet little snores. 

Aaron can’t help staring.  He’s still so gorgeous is Robert.  Tan skin despite spending so much time indoors working on contracts and sorting deals.  Freckles more prominent each day it seems.  Aaron smiles a little, lifts his hand to card through Robert’s blond fluff but stops mid-air.  They haven’t shown each other that type of affection in what feels like a long time.  It scares him a bit that he doesn’t feel like he’s allowed to touch his husband that way anymore.  Well, not so much scared as sad, he supposes. 

With a bit of a sigh he gets up, puts on some stretched out trackies and a t-shirt and heads downstairs, silently closing the door behind him.

He makes himself a brew, enjoying the peace of the house before everyone wakes up and the chaos begins.  The sun is starting to shine in through the kitchen window, illuminating most of their living space.  Aaron loves his home, feels lived in, filled with love.  As he glances around, the light hits one of their many picture frames just right, practically blinding him.  He walks over to it, coffee in hand warming him a bit and picks it up.  Their wedding photo.

That had been a beautiful day.  Weather perfect, Robert looking like a model off of a runway, surrounded by everyone they loved and who loved them.  Robert had gone all out, wanted the full experience.  So they did.  Aaron was willing to give Robert anything in the world; a wedding was easy in the grand scheme of things.  They had a gorgeous ceremony where they wrote their own vows and cried in front of everyone.  The reception was held in the Mill garden which had been decked out to perfection.  Fairy lights and flowers, tables with placards, a DJ and a photographer. 

The photo in his hand was one of the posed photos but it was his absolute favorite.  He and Robert had brought the photographer to some of the important places around the village while their guests moved from the ceremony site to the reception site.  They had pictures in the garage and the barn, the cricket pavilion and even outside the Woolpack.  But this was the best.  The two of them holding onto one another, looking into each other’s eyes, so clearly filled with love, laughing at something or other, on their bridge. 

Aaron blinked back the tears he felt threatening to trickle out.  He still loved Robert.  So much.  And most days he knew Robert loved him just as much.  But he’s been so tired, trying so hard to find moments of happiness in each day and it just feels like it shouldn’t be this difficult.  He gently places the photo back on the shelf, dragging a finger across Robert’s smile, smiling himself while he does it. 

He’s shaken out of his reverie by little feet struggling to come down the staircase.  Aaron turns in time to see Seb, teddy in one hand, other stretched as far as it can to hold onto the railing, a few steps from the ground.

“Good morning, mate!  How’d you sleep?” Seb runs over to Aaron clearly wanting to be picked up and cuddled.  Aaron’s love for Seb seems to get stronger each day.  He might be the wildest toddler on the planet but he’s Aaron’s and he loves him.

“Good! What’s for breakfast?”  Seb shimmys down Aaron and heads to the couch, searching for the remote.

“Hey! No telly this early, you know that.  Come here and help me make pancakes.  Liv and daddy will be up soon.  We can surprise them!”

Seb’s face lights up as he giggles an “okay” and heads into the kitchen.  They make a terrible mess that Robert’s probably going to get annoyed by but Aaron will deal with it if it means he gets moments like this with Seb.

Just as they’re finishing up, plating the pancakes and pouring the orange juice, both Liv and Robert come downstairs.  Liv smiles, shoving lovingly at Aaron and picking Seb up for a dramatic smooch to the cheek.  “This smells amazing! Did Vic come over and cook for us?”

Seb looks offended and it’s the cutest thing Aaron’s ever seen.  “No we did it! Me and dad! All by ourselves!”  Seb looks at Aaron for back up.  Aaron just smiles and helps him into his seat.  “You bet, buddy.  Sebby did most of the work, too.”

Aaron glances up at Robert whose eyes are sweeping the mess in the kitchen.  Aaron can’t help but roll his eyes.  What’s happened that the mess is more important than the kid?

“Rob.  Seb made these.  He did a ton of work,” Aaron’s waiting for him expectantly, hoping he’ll say or do anything at this point.

It’s like a switch goes off and he smiles, a big genuine thing Aaron hasn’t seen in days.  Robert goes to Seb and gives him a bunch of kisses all over his face, making the little boy giggle and try to move away. 

“You’re gonna be a chef someday, just like Aunt Vic and Uncle Marlon, aren’t you?  They look delicious, mate.”  The four of them sit down and start eating, Seb talking almost non-stop about the games he and Issac played yesterday and the last cartoon he watched. 

When everyone looks as though they’re finishing up, Aaron clears his throat.  “I was thinking the four of us could do something fun today.  Go to the park or go into town?  Whatever you want to do I’m up for.”  He’s smiling watching Liv nod her head and Seb yell “yes” with his fork in the air.  He’s trying to make eye contact with Robert who hasn’t lifted his eyes from his plate yet.

“Rob?  Did you hear me?”  Robert looks up then, looks a bit confused.  Aaron’s starting to wonder why he tries.  “I said I think the four of us should do something today.  You know, as a family.”  He may have tagged that on the end to make a point.

“I can’t.  I have to work today.  Joe added more contacts yesterday afternoon.  I need to draw up the contracts and have them ready for Monday morning when he scheduled the meetings.”  He takes a sip of his drink, not looking the least bit apologetic.  Aaron’s about to lose his mind.

“Liv, can you bring Seb upstairs and help him get cleaned up and ready to go please?”  His eyes never leave Robert’s. 

Seb luckily seems to not sense anything wrong.  Liv on the other hand gets up quickly and starts asking Seb which outfit he wants to wear for the day.  Once they’re out of sight, Aaron starts.

“What the fuck is happening, Rob?  You don’t make any time for your family anymore.  I’m working double the hours at the scrapyard and I still find time for Liv and Seb.  If I thought you gave a shit I’d be able to find time for you, too.”  Aaron’s just staring at Robert who isn’t moving.  He has the decency to look down with some feeling this time.

“I know, alright.  I know.  But I’m just,” he cards a hand through his hair.  Aaron’s just now noticing how exhausted Robert looks.  “I’m so overwhelmed.  I love all of you, of course I do, but it feels like too much.  I finally catch my breath and look forward to being with you but then I have to go help at the pub or I need to drop Seb at his friends or Liv needs a ride back from Hotten.  Plus, have you looked at the bills, Aaron?  We’re running low here.  I’m picking up extra hours because we need the money.  I’m trying to do the right thing for us!”

“The right thing for us is being with us! Telling us that you love us and want to spend time with us! You haven’t read to Seb or tucked him in lately.  He misses you.  We all do.  You need to figure this out! Make time for all of us!”  Aaron’s up now, tossing the dishes haphazardly in the sink.  It’s not that he doesn’t feel overwhelmed sometimes, too, he just works through it with his family, not away from them.  And he knows damn well about the bills.  Robert’s acting like Aaron’s not at the scrapyard every day, all day.

“Rob, it looks like you don’t want to be with us.  I think I’m the only one picking up on it now but it won’t be long before Liv and even Seb feel it, too.  You need to make time for us.  All we do is fight but maybe if we found time to spend together it wouldn’t be so bad.”  Aaron’s words are meant to be helping but he’s still saying them with a bit of a bite.  He’s bitter and lonely and disappointed. 

Robert stands then, bringing his plate to the sink.  “I don’t know what you want me to say.  I’m doing the best I can.”  As he heads towards the stairs, probably to get ready for the day he’s about to have without his family, it hits Aaron like a shot to the gut.

“Are you having an affair?”

Robert freezes, hand on the railing, one foot on the bottom step.  He turns to Aaron.  Looks stunned and hurt.  Aaron instantly sees that’s not what’s happening and regrets his question.

“No, Aaron, I’m not having an affair.  I’m always at work.  Hell, I’m sitting in the cabin half the time you’re there.  Just because you don’t notice me doesn’t mean I’m not there.”

And that stings.  Aaron didn’t see that coming.

“That’s not fair! I’m sorry I asked I just don’t understand why you don’t make time for us?!”  Aaron’s arms are flying all over the place now.  He’s sort of lost his point in all of this but he’s worked up and upset.  This argument needs to happen.

“Because I never feel good enough Aaron!”  Aaron’s hands drop to his sides as his mouth hangs open.

“I never make tea anymore, I don’t color with Seb, I don’t take Liv shopping, I don’t fuck you, I don’t make enough money.  I literally don’t do anything right anymore.  I’m just desperately trying to make it from one day to another without feeling like a complete fuck-up! I’m sorry but I can’t do this now.”

“Robert-“ but he’s cut off by Robert saying he needs to get ready for work.  He heads up the stairs without looking back.  Aaron doesn’t know where that came from and he felt his heart break a little but it’s not his fault Rob feels that way, is it? And when Rob isn’t able to do those things now, who does he think steps in?  Aaron’s been reading with Seb and took Liv to buy new clothes last week.  He’s also never been so sexually frustrated in his life.

Aaron leans against the counter arms braced on the edge, knuckles white from the pressure.  He’s not worrying about this now.  He’s taking Liv and Seb out.  They’ll visit his mum and then they’ll go into town, get away from here for a while.  He’s determined to smile today.

He heads upstairs to see how Liv is getting on with Seb.  They’re almost all ready to go and while he’s convincing Liv that everything’s okay he hears the door close. 

Robert left without saying goodbye.  Forget an I love you.  Not even a goodbye.  He sighs and says he just needs a minute for a shower.

Once under the hot water, Aaron lets himself cry for a bit.  He’s watching his family splinter apart and his husband moving further away from him in front of his eyes.  He takes a few steadying breaths, wipes his eyes, cleans up quickly and gets out. 

Once everyone’s in their shoes and jackets they head out.  It’s still looking like a beautiful day.  Maybe they’ll just check out some of the shops in Hotten.

His mum happens to be chatting with Laurel outside David’s when they walk up.

“Alright?”  She smiles, nods and gives Seb a hug and a kiss.

“No Robert?” Although she’s been giving him reassurance for weeks now, her look of concern doesn’t go amiss. 

“Nope, he’s working up at the yard.  Again.”  He picks Seb up who’s starting to get impatient that they aren’t on the move.

“Oh love.  Are you two alright?  I’m starting to get a bit worried.”  She’s speaking just barely above a whisper, probably in the hopes of shielding Liv and Seb.

“I don’t know but I’m not worrying about him today.  He can do whatever the he-“

Whatever he’s about to say is startled into silence by a deafening sound.  Seb’s so scared he burst into tears, burying his face in Aaron’s neck and Liv jumped about a mile. 

Aaron’s holding tightly to Seb and looking around trying to figure out what that sound could have been. 

As he’s shushing Seb and rocking him slightly, whispering reassurances in his ear, he sees it.  The black smoke is like an oppressive cloud.  As soon as he spots it, the smell hits him, too.  Burning.  It’s when he realizes the direction it’s coming from that the bottom falls out.  His stomach is in his feet and he can’t breathe.

The scrapyard.

Robert.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some mentions of blood and injury in this chapter so please avoid if necessary.
> 
> Lots of medical talk with only some basic knowledge from me. Plenty of creative license taken here. 
> 
> Thanks for the comments and kudos! Enjoy!

At first he’s frozen.  His brain shuts down and Aaron can’t think.  His heart is pounding in his ears and his hands are sweating.  Then it clicks.

He has to move.

“Take Seb!” He’s yelling now for no other reason than the adrenaline rushing through his system.  He hands Seb to Liv who’s looking one second away from panicking.

“Stay with mum!  Please!” And he’s off like a shot.

Aaron’s not sure he’s ever run so fast in his life.  His heart is pounding and feels like it could come right out of his chest.  The rhythm moving him forward is the pattern of his thoughts.

_Please be okay.  Please be okay.  Please be okay._

It’s starting to get more difficult to breathe and his feet are killing him but he keeps moving. 

He finally gets there and slides to a stop.  The smoke is overwhelming and the smell of burning is enough to make his stomach churn.  He has absolutely no doubt that if Rob was inside there’s no hope.  There’s practically nothing left to the cabin now.

Aaron’s quickly digging through his pockets searching for his cell phone, clumsy in his rush, as he scans the yard, silently praying to a God he doesn’t know to give him some sign that Robert’s okay.

Maybe he didn’t come after all.  Maybe Joe called him up to Home Farm instead. 

It’s when he does his second spin around the yard that he sees him and his breath is stolen from his lungs.

Rob’s on top of a car Aaron had been working on the day before.  It looks like he was thrown since the windshield is cracked a thousand different ways and it wasn’t yesterday.  Robert’s on his side, left side awkwardly against the hood.  His arm is obviously broken, hanging horribly at an awful angle.  As Aaron runs closer, on the phone to 999 demanding an ambulance, he can’t tell if Robert’s breathing.  He puts his hand softly on his chest and feels the smallest hint of a rise and fall.  He tells the operator as much but his hope is quickly smashed as he takes in Robert’s face.

He’s bleeding from a big gash on his forehead and it looks like his nose is broken but he’s bleeding from his ears, too.  That can’t be good.

Aaron’s brought his hand to Rob’s good shoulder and gently shakes it, screaming Robert’s name, hoping for any kind of a response.  He was practically sitting on the car with him, terrified to move him.  Images of Jackson, motionless and trapped kept bombarding his mind but Aaron did everything he could to push them away.

It wasn’t happening this time.  No.

He kept tapping Robert’s shoulder, screaming his name right in his face.

Finally Rob’s eyes fluttered open ever so slightly.  He looks completely disoriented but Aaron still smiles;  so grateful to see those beautiful green eyes staring back at him.  Too afraid to touch his face or head, Aaron took hold of Robert’s hand and squeezed. 

“The ambulance is on the way, Rob.  Just hold on.  They’re almost here.”

Robert was looking at Aaron, brow furrowed.  He looked like he was trying to speak but couldn’t seem to get the words out. 

“Don’t talk, okay?  It’s alright.  Just try to stay awake.  Just focus on me, okay?  You’re gonna be fine!”  He didn’t realize he was crying until he choked on the last word.

Robert continued staring, looking scared and confused.  He managed to squeeze Aaron’s hand in his.

“I love you.  I’m sorry I ruined everything but I love you.  So much.  I should have told you, all of you, before I left today.  All the time.  I lo-“ Rob couldn’t continue, starting to cough and looking like it was excruciating to do so.  Aaron’s chest tightened, terrified as to what was happening. 

“I love you too.  More than anything.  But you’re going to be fine.  And we’re going to spend the rest of our lives so happy. I promise.”  Aaron was sobbing now, unable to keep it in any longer. 

“Aaron.  ‘Ron I can’t.  I can’t…”  Robert’s eyes started closing again just as the ambulance could be heard coming up the road.

“Robert wake up! They’re here.  Do you hear that? They’re here and you’re gonna be fine! Just stay awake! Please!”

The medics started working on Robert immediately, asking Aaron rapid fire questions with him answering as best he could.  The police were there as well, looking to see what may have caused the explosion.  Aaron hopped in the back of the ambulance with Robert, never letting go of his hand.

He fumbled with his phone, calling his mum, letting her know what was happening.  He could hear Liv practically screaming for answers in the background.  After a promise of finding someone to watch Seb, Chas promised she and Liv would be to hospital as fast as possible.

Aaron watched Robert’s face, searching for any hint of a response, any hope that he was alright.  He was pale and unmoving, blood continuing to trickle from seemingly everywhere.  Again, Aaron prayed.  He prayed and prayed and prayed repeating the same phrase over and over again.

_Please let him be okay.  Please let him be okay.  Please let him be okay._

***************

As soon as Robert had been brought through the doors, he was taken away from Aaron. 

Aaron filled out some paperwork, gave some background information and was told to wait. 

Easier said than fucking done.

He was alone with his thoughts, pacing the waiting room, holding a cup of coffee there was no way he was going to be able to drink, sitting and then repeating.  Eventually he gave in to exhaustion, sitting down and pushing his fists into his eyes, desperate to keep the tears inside.

_What if he dies?_

_What if he can’t walk?_

_What if he doesn’t wake up?_

Before his thoughts could drown him, his mum and sister were jogging toward him.  He stood up and thankfully accepting their hugs.  He told them what he knew, which was practically nothing, and they sat down to continue waiting.

Four hours later a surgeon came to see them.

“Mr. Sugden?”

“Yes that’s me.”  Aaron stood up so fast he startled his mum into dropping the magazine she was mindlessly flipping through.

“I’d like to speak with you.  Can you come with me, please?”

Aaron nodded.  He knew this wasn’t good.  If they needed privacy it wasn’t good, right?

He was somewhat surprised when he was brought outside of Robert’s room. 

He looked awful.  A breathing tube in, more wires than he’d ever seen in his life and bags of liquid holding God knows what all over the place.

What was surprising, oddly enough, was his hair.

His head was shaved with a large incision on the side.  What the hell was that for?

“Mr. Sugden, your husband has a plethora of injuries.  His left arm is broken and was dislocated at the shoulder.  He’s having difficulty breathing, maybe from prolonged smoke inhalation or from issues with his past wound.  He has multiple broken ribs as well.  Luckily none punctured his lungs.  However, we were mostly concerned with his head.  You can see from here that his nose was broken.  We were able to set that easily.  He also has the wound on his forehead.  That required multiple stitches and we’re going to need to monitor that for infection.”

Aaron just nodded, unable to tear his eyes away from his husband, looking so small and sick.  He was so tired of hospitals and so tired of seeing his love stuck in them.

“Alright.  Um, but why the shaved head?  Were you not able to see everything you needed to or what?  He didn’t have that big cut on the side of his head when I saw him before.”  Aaron was shaking like a leaf.  What wasn’t this guy telling him?

“He has a matching incision on the other side as well.  We won’t know for sure until Mr. Sugden wakes up but he had some pretty significant head trauma.  We relieved some pressure that was building on his brain but he absolutely has a significant concussion that we’re going to need to monitor for the next few days.  We don’t suspect any lasting brain damage although it’s very common for confusion or agitation or memory concerns after an injury like this but it tends to be temporary.  In comparison to the accident, his injuries are remarkably manageable.”

“Ok.  But…”  Aaron’s patience was starting to run thin.

“But we believe that Mr. Sugden was very, very close to the explosion when it happened.  While we were operating, we noticed some nerves had been damaged and we weren’t able to repair them.  At least not yet.  There was too much fluid and swelling for it to be safe right now so we repaired what we could.  When Mr. Sugden wakes up, which we’re confident he will do in his own time, we’ll be able to run further tests to see the extent of the damage.”

Aaron’s heart was racing.  Every breath caused a stabbing pain in his chest. 

“What damage?”

“Again, we won’t know for sure until he wakes but we believe that Mr. Sugden has potentially permanent hearing loss.”  Aaron didn’t react.  Couldn’t believe what he heard.  Is this what shock feels like?  “I’m sorry Mr. Sugden, but there’s a strong likelihood that your husband is deaf.”


	3. Chapter 3

Two agonizing days later and Aaron hadn’t moved from Robert’s bedside except to use the toilet or grab a coffee.  He had barely slept, his body only giving in when it was beyond exhausted.

He had decided to tell only a few people close to Robert what the doctor had said.  His mum, Vic, Diane and Liv, no one else.  They had all looked devastated but pulled it together, seemingly to stay strong for Aaron.  They were all “he’ll be fine” and “medicine is amazing, it can fix everything.”  Aaron had just smiled and nodded at them but he knew the reality of it.

A quick Google search showed the chances of recovery if the auditory nerves were truly damaged.  It was practically zero.

He had spent the first night at the hospital, alone, in the dark with his thoughts, contemplating what the fuck was happening.  He tried to focus on the positives.  Robert was alive.  He was going to wake up.  He could walk so he’d be able to go home.  He’d be able to talk to them.  He’d be healthy.  He could learn sign language; the whole family could.  He had a long life ahead of him.  Their future could still look bright.

But then as 2am turned to 3am, Aaron’s thoughts morphed into something darker.  How was he going to work for Home James if he couldn’t speak to clients on the phone?  Could he safely drive if he couldn’t hear?  What about Seb?  He was getting more and more words every day.  Robert would start to miss out on those things. 

Aaron just cried most of the time.  Broken hearted for his husband who had done nothing more than worked himself too hard and who didn’t deserve everything the universe kept sending his way.  He cried for himself, at a life that would always be more difficult than seemed fair. 

But then he pulled himself together.  He told their family what the prognosis was and put on a strong face.  He decided he would be the one to tell Robert what was happening.  He would be strong for Robert; for their family.  At the end of the day, if they had nothing else, they had one another. 

It was mid-afternoon, sunshine flowing through the large window, making the room impossibly brighter.  Robert’s breathing tube had been removed now he was doing most of the work by himself.  He had far fewer IVs, risk of infection decreasing each day.  He just needed to wake up.

Which he did, slowly.  Aaron felt Robert’s clammy hand in his flex it’s fingers.  He looked up at Robert’s face to see him blinking a bit, lights looking too bright for him.  This was it.  Aaron had planned this moment and gone over it again and again and yet he still felt completely unprepared.  The doctor had promised to come in and discuss everything in more detail with Robert and they had auditory specialists and counselors ready to go when Robert needed them and was ready.  Aaron’s heart was still racing.  He thought he might be sick or pass out.

It felt odd to be so relieved and so terrified at the same time.

Aaron slowly stood up from his chair, sitting gently on the side of Robert’s bed near his hip.  He still had hold of Robert’s hand, caressing the back of it with his thumb.  His free hand came up, softly carding through Robert’s hair.  He smiled softly down at Robert, hoping he was conveying a calmness he didn’t feel.

Once Robert’s eyes adjusted to the room around him, he met Aaron’s eyes and smiled.  Neither man spoke for what felt like a lifetime.  Then Robert opened his mouth and licked his lips.  He swallowed and looked ready to try speaking. 

Aaron brought Robert’s hand to his chest, trying his best to ground both of them for what could be a life changing moment.

“What happened?”

Robert had practically whispered it.  But Aaron saw the moment.  The confusion.  It had been enough.  So he tried again, brow furrowed and fear peeking through his eyes.

“What happened?”  Now Robert started panicking.

“Aaron?  AARON! What-what-why…” Robert was screaming now, trying to move around the bed, wincing from the pain but too terrified to not move.

Aaron couldn’t stop the tears.  He naively was still praying for a miracle, that Robert would speak and hear his own smooth, glorious voice and they could just move on, move forward happily.  He felt the last shred of hope fall away and land like a brick.

He cupped Robert’s cheek, gently applying pressure to make Robert lay back down.  He squeezed the hand against his chest that had tightened in his jumper hard.  When Robert put his head on the pillow, eyes wide and meeting his, Aaron just nodded.  He brought Robert’s hand to his mouth, kissing the palm and dropping his tears there for Robert to hold. 

Robert brought his hand to the back of Aaron’s neck, devastation written all over his face.  “Aaron, why can’t I hear myself?  Why aren’t you speaking to me?  Wh-what’s happening?”  He let out a small sob, obviously overwhelmed but putting the pieces together.

Aaron closed his eyes.  He couldn’t stand the pain staring at him.  This was unbearable.

He took a deep breath, swallowing the lump in his throat.  He took Robert’s hand in both of his, placing them in his lap.  He looked Robert in the eye and said, slowly and over pronounced “you’re deaf, Rob.” 

Robert squinted, almost as though that would help him catch the sound of his husband’s voice.  He shook his head, quietly repeating “no” to himself over and over.  Aaron couldn’t take it anymore.  He bent down and held Robert, gently rocking him when he felt the sobs take over both their bodies. 

Aaron was drowning in the feeling of helplessness and it had only been ten minutes. 

******************

 Four days later they were heading home.  The remaining days at the hospital had been spent crying and meeting with doctors and getting hugs from loved ones.  The news had spread quickly about Robert’s accident and his resulting injury and people wanted to come give their love.

Vic came with Matty, bringing him his favorite pie and Stephen King novel.  She managed to hold back her tears until she was in the hall outside of Robert’s room.  Vanessa came with a beginner’s book to sign language and a kiss to the cheek.  Chas visited often, just sitting at Robert’s bedside silently, holding his hand.  Liv came but stood close to the door.  She looked terrified.  Robert could barely look at her.

Aaron had met with everyone on the hospital staff who could possibly help Robert, or him, begin to cope with the changes in their lives.  The day before his release, Robert had a scan of his brain, doctors hoping for reduced swelling and a better visualization of the nerves.  The news wasn’t good. 

When they told the two men that the hearing loss appeared to be of a more permanent nature, Aaron had bit his lip until he tasted blood in an attempt to not lose it completely.  Robert, looked empty.  Since the first tears he cried upon waking up, he’d barely shown any emotion.  His eyes always looked distant, if they were open in the first place, he only spoke when absolutely necessary and he never smiled.

They were leaving the hospital with appointments to see audiologists, neurologists, counselors and pamphlets and folders on sign language courses. 

Aaron was so happy Robert was coming home.  Happy and terrified.

He hadn’t prepared anything.  The doctors said they really didn’t need to change anything in the house.  Maybe think about a blinking smoke detector and a visual doorbell but otherwise he’d adapt.  They couldn’t give him any answers about the most important piece of this puzzle.

Seb.

One of the few times Robert had spoken at the hospital was to beg Aaron not to bring Seb.  Robert wasn’t in the right place to reassure Seb and they were all trying to figure out how to break the news.  In the end, Aaron took the lead, unable to get Robert to talk to him about what he wanted.

They entered the house, Robert lagging behind Aaron.  Aaron had purchased a white board and dry erase markers to use.  The biggest issue Aaron could see while they were starting out on their new journey was doing what they could to make sure Robert didn’t feel left out.  That meant that, while they learned sign, they would all be doing a lot of writing.  Aaron, reminded himself to start working with Seb on his writing, not that he had a fucking clue where to start.

Liv was sat on the sofa, Seb tucked into her side watching cartoons.  When the door shut, both faces turned to face them.  Seb was up and running instantly, beaming smile on his face. 

Robert couldn’t seem to help himself.  He bent down, slowly mind, and released his first smile in a week.  Small and a bit sad, but it was there.  He cuddled Seb close and squeezed his eyes shut tight.  Aaron felt something in his chest loosen up just a bit. 

They would figure this out. 

When Seb released Robert from his grip, Aaron picked him up and brought him back to the couch. 

He and Robert sat on the coffee table across from the two kids, Liv switching off the telly.  Aaron took Robert’s hand in his, took a steadying breath and tried his best.

“Sebby, you know how daddy’s been gone for a few days?”

Seb nodded.

“Well it’s because he had a bit of an accident.  He’s okay now but he did get hurt.  You know how you can hear me when I talk to you?  If I yell your name while you’re playing in your room that tea is ready, you can hear me and you come down to eat?”

Seb nodded again.

“Well,” he took a deep breath and glanced at Robert, who was staring at his lap.  “Daddy can’t hear anymore.”

Seb looked between Aaron and Robert, not saying anything.  This was all Aaron was prepared for.  He had no other game plan.  Didn’t know what else to do.

With a thoughtful look on his face, Seb shimmied off of the couch and moved in between Robert’s knees.  Rob lifted his eyes to look at Seb’s face. 

Seb gently moved his hands to either side of his daddy’s head, gently placing them over Robert’s ears.  He took them away, and did it again.  He dropped his hands to his sides and asked Aaron, “does daddy hurt?”

Liv had started wiping away stray tears, quietly sniffling.  This was so fucking hard.  No kid should need to worry about this.  No parent should either.

Aaron took Seb’s hand and said “no, baby, his ears don’t hurt.  He just can’t hear us.”

“Can he still talk?” 

Aaron smiled softly, “yeah, he can.  He’s just feeling a bit sad and he’s getting used to it.  We have to be patient and kind, okay?”

Seb nodded.  Robert was staring at Aaron now and he realized he already did what he promised himself he wouldn’t do.  He left Robert out.

He quickly grabbed the white board and wrote _Seb asked if you can still speak._

Robert cleared his throat.  “Yeah, mate, I can talk.”  His voice sounded different to Aaron, like it’s shine had vanished. 

“You know-you know I love you, right Seb?  More than anything in the world, I love you.”

Seb nodded. 

Then he wrinkled his nose in thought and smiled.

With the genius of a man many years older than himself, Seb pointed to his eye, then put his hand on his heart and then moved forward and wrapped his arms around Robert’s middle.  Robert leant down, placing his head on the top of Seb’s, breathing him in. 

Liv cleared her throat, looking at Aaron.  “Why don’t I take him upstairs to get ready for tea?  Give you two a minute?”

Aaron nodded.  As Liv stood up, so did Aaron, bringing her close to him, he whispered “thank you.  We love you.”  He felt her nod against his chest.  When she pulled away, she wiped at her cheeks once more.

“C’mon monster.  Let’s let your daddys get settled and we’ll cleanup for tea.”

“Okay!”  And just like that, Seb was back to talking about his cartoons and what his dinosaurs had been doing in his room while they were downstairs.   Aaron smiled to himself.  That had gone well.  It certainly wasn’t the end, there were far too many hurdles for this journey to be over, but Seb seemed to understand and was still able to be his three-year-old self.  It was maybe the best they could hope for at the moment.

Aaron glanced down to see Robert’s head in his hands, shoulders moving.  He knelt down where Seb had been standing a minute before, holding onto Robert’s hands that were cradling his head.  He managed to make Robert lift his head, making eye contact, just to see the devastation in his eyes.  Robert was trying to gulp down air, struggling to get air.  Aaron tried wiping his tears away but they fell too quickly.  He placed featherlight kisses all over Robert’s face, anywhere he could reach.

“I’m never gonna hear his voice again, Aaron.  I won’t hear him laugh or tell me about his first day of school or about the first kid he likes or his school dances.”  He breathing was harsh and ragged now but Aaron couldn’t make him stop.  A selfish part of him was so grateful to simply hear his husband’s voice.   The thought that he was the lucky one was like a stab to the heart.

“I won’t hear him excited that he got into uni or got his first job.  I won’t hear his vows at his wedding or telling us that he’s going to be a dad.” 

Robert steadied himself.  He looked Aaron right in the eye, bringing his hands to either side of Aaron’s face.

“I’m never gonna hear your voice again.  I don’t ever get to hear you tell me you love me again.” 

With that agonizing thought, both men broke down, desperately clinging to each other, trying to draw a strength from the other that neither man had.

One thing was crystal clear.  If Robert couldn’t hear how much Aaron loved him, Aaron was going to make damn sure he could see it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with it!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long! Hope you enjoy!
> 
> FYI-the italics are sign language

The last few weeks were a whirlwind of doctor’s appointments, tests, counseling and sign language classes.  Seeing Seb so unfazed by the change in him had motivated Robert to do something proactive and Aaron had never been prouder.

There had been an investigation into the explosion at the yard (fautly gas line) and the insurance money had come through surprisingly fast.  It was enough that both Aaron and Robert could take time from work to figure out their next steps.

Seb had started nursery, something both men felt would help to provide some routine and predictability.  They met with his teacher before he began, making sure she understood what was happening at home.  She was spectacular, believing that integrating basic sign language into her class would benefit all of her students. 

Liv had been nothing but supportive, babysitting Seb when Robert had bad days, taking a few shifts at the pub for some extra cash (not that Aaron would ever take it).  She even took Robert to some of his appointments.

Although he had made so much progress and seemed so open to trying new things, Aaron knew Robert was still struggling.  He seemed to avoid Aaron to some degree, unless it was absolutely necessary to be together.  He didn’t seem cruel about it.  Robert was almost shy, or maybe embarrassed, and Aaron had no clue how to help.

Two Tuesdays a month, Aaron went to see his own counselor, Mark.  He figured he couldn’t be a support for Robert if he didn’t figure out his own shit first.  What’s that saying?  You can’t pour from an empty cup?  Something like that.

So today he’s sat in Mark’s office.  It’s a peaceful place, built and designed to make you relax.  The room had light grey walls, large, comfortable chairs, photographs of picture-perfect landscapes.  And Mark himself was a calming presence.  Soft spoken and casually dressed without a notepad or a desk to make Aaron’s paranoia peak.

“So Aaron, what would you like to chat about today?”  Mark crossed his legs and placed his hands in his lap.

Aaron stared out the window behind Mark’s head.  He knew this was a safe place but this wasn’t a comfortable subject.  The guilt had already been clawing at his chest for days.

“Um.  You know Rob’s been going to counseling, right?”  Mark nodded his head.  “He’s also going to all of his appointments and he goes to the sign language tutor with me, Liv and Seb and he picks Seb up from nursery-“  Mark nodded again.

Aaron blew out a deep breath.  “Well those are the only places he’ll go.  And then when we’re home, he’s practically silent.  Which, I mean, it’s okay.  He’s using sign a lot which I know is great! It’s great for all of us ‘cause we need the practice but…”

“But what, Aaron?” 

He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed.  “I know it’s selfish but, I miss his voice.  I miss him talking to me and I miss going to the pub and taking Seb to the swings.  I feel like I’m alone.”

Mark nodded again.  “Have you told Robert any of this?”

Aaron huffed out a sarcastic laugh.  “I’d have to get time alone with him to talk to him wouldn’t I?”

“Have you been too busy or do you feel there’s another reason you haven’t been able to spend time together?” Mark asked with a furrowed brow.

Aaron just shrugged.  “I don’t know.  It feels like he’s avoiding me.”  He scratched a bit above his brow, resting his hands in his lap where he played with his wedding ring.  Without lifting his eyes from the ring, Aaron continued.  “I set it up one night where Seb went with me mum and Liv went to a friend’s so we’d be alone.  I made tea to surprise him and was hoping we could-y’know-like, reconnect.”

Aaron closed his eyes, silently willing Mark to get what he was saying.

“That sounds lovely.  How did Robert react?”

“At first, I thought he looked pleased.  I got his favorite wine and everything.  But then we sat down and he ate as quickly as he could.  I kept trying to get his attention so I could sign with him but he refused to look up.”  He felt a tear escape his eye so he paused to roughly wipe it away.  “We haven’t had sex in a few months.  Before, he was so busy at work and now, I think he – I mean I don’t know – but I wonder…”

Mark gave a small smile.  “It’s okay, Aaron.  What are you thinking?”

“I’m afraid he either doesn’t want to have sex anymore or he doesn’t want to have sex with me anymore.”  He just let the tears fall freely now.

Aaron had held out as long as he could.  He knew Robert had been through hell and was adjusting and, with some time to process, he knew that before everything happened, Robert’s distance was just because he was working so fucking hard for his family.  But he missed him.  He wanted to hear his voice and his laugh.  He wanted to be held, to be kissed.  And he wanted to sleep with his husband.  Aaron felt like he was lost and had no idea what to do next.

Mark cleared his throat, bringing Aaron’s thoughts back into the room.  “How you’re feeling is completely natural and okay.  You’re a married man who loves your husband.  Of course you want to be close to him and be intimate with him.  Your feelings are valid, Aaron.”

He wiped his nose with his sleeve, sniffling a bit as he did.  “What do I do now?  I don’t wanna push him so far he leaves but I don’t know if I can keep this up.”

“I can’t tell you what your next steps are but I do suggest you figure out a way to talk with Robert about your concerns.  Change can’t be made if Robert doesn’t know how your feeling and what you need.”

Aaron knew that.  It wasn’t fair to hold Robert to something he didn’t even know was bothering Aaron.  He bit his lip, toying with the skin there.  He just needed to figure out how to get Robert to listen.

 

****************

Aaron had waited another week.  For whatever reason, he was nervous about talking to Robert.  He was never the type of bloke to lay his feelings down in front of someone so this was rough.  But he knew it needed to happen.

Liv had taken Seb to the pub to spend the evening with Chas.  Robert was upstairs, taking a bath which Aaron had drawn for him.  Aaron had changed into one of Robert’s favorite outfits; a tight, soft blue jumper and black jeans that were so tight Aaron had a tough time sitting down.

He got out a bottle of wine and poured two glasses, not that he’d be able to keep it down what with the butterfly parade in his stomach.  Aaron also had the white board and markers nearby in case their sign and Robert’s seemingly expert lip reading wasn’t enough for their conversation.

Robert came down the stairs in a t-shirt and old trackies looking like an image from Aaron’s dreams.  He looked relaxed, his shoulders free from their normally tense position and his face soft, free of frown lines and concern.

They made eye contact and Robert froze where he stood.  Aaron tapped the couch telling Robert to sit.

Slowly, Rob made his way over and sat next to Aaron.  They stared at each other for a while, Aaron hoping he was letting Robert know everything was okay.  If Robert was anxious now, he knew this wouldn’t go well. 

Aaron cracked his knuckles and began.  _You know I love you._

Robert nodded his head.

_You love me?_

Robert practically winced before enthusiastically nodding his head.

_I need you to tell me that, Robert._

Robert wiped his hands on his pants.

_I love you, Aaron._

Aaron smiled and saw it reflected on Robert’s face. 

_I miss you.  I think you’re amazing and I’m so proud to be your husband, but I miss you.  I want to go out.  On a date.  With you.  And then, if that goes well, I want to…”_

Robert stared at Aaron, waiting.  A line forming inbetween his eyebrows.  Aaron just breathed in and out.  He put a hand on Robert’s knee, rubbing his thumb along the soft fabric he found there.  He looked back up and saw an open expression on Robert’s face.  It was now or never.

_If the date goes well, I want to have sex.  With you._

Robert continued to stare at Aaron, blinking frequently, like Aaron might not actually be there in front of him.  He stood up suddenly and began to pace, playing with the hem of his t-shirt.

He faced Aaron with a pained look.  _Where do you want to go?_

Aaron couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face.  He was so sure Robert would kick off but this was progress.

_The pub.  But we could go somewhere else if you want.  Hotton?  I don’t care._

Robert nodded slowly and put his hands in his pockets.  He cleared his throat.

“I can’t, Aaron.”  Aaron’s jaw dropped.  He was thrilled to hear his husband’s voice but devastated that Robert hadn’t agreed.

“Why?”

Robert shrugged, hands still in his pockets.  “I’m not ready.”

Aaron looked down at the floor.  One of Seb’s toys was lying by his foot, a giraffe they bought him at the zoo years ago.  Seemed like a lifetime now.

He stood up and went to Robert, taking his face in his hands he forced Robert to look at him.  He didn’t want Robert to miss a word.

“I love you.  So much.  But I need my husband.  I need to get out of this house with you.  I need you to laugh or smile at me.  I need you to hold my hand and give me a cuddle.  I need to feel you.  I need to be close to you, in every way.  Do you understand?”

Robert nodded.  “So what now, Rob?”

Aaron could see his eyes get glassy.  He didn’t know what to expect.  “I can’t give that to you.”

Aaron dropped his hands and stepped away.  When he had been with Mark, his biggest concern was how to get Robert to talk to him. He never put a lot of thought into what Robert would say.  He assumed once he put himself out there Robert would hear him out and understand.  He never expected this.

He saw Robert swallow thickly before he said “I’m sorry.”

And that was it.  Aaron saw red.  A small voice in the back of his head told him none of this was Robert’s fault, it was just how he was coping, but what about Aaron?  What about what he needed?  Aaron had done everything he could.  He’d been putting so much effort into his marriage for months trying to mend what was broken, support Robert, care for Seb, be there for Liv.  Who took care of him?! He was asking for a date and sex.  Why was that too much?

Aaron shook his head as he backed away.  “No.  Not good enough.  I’m telling you what I need and you’re saying no?”  He could tell by the look on Robert’s face that he had missed at least some of what Aaron had said but he didn’t care.  He grabbed his coat and headed for the door.  If Robert wouldn’t take him out, he’d take himself out.  Enough of this.

As he opened the door, Aaron heard the shout of “where are you going?”  He heard the slight fear in Robert’s voice and took a bit of joy from it.  Aaron was done worrying.  It was someone else’s turn.

He turned back to Robert and signed _OUT_ before slamming the door behind him.

********  
Aaron had driven to the one place he knew he’d be comfortable.  There’d be too many prying eyes and annoying questions at the pub so Bar West it was.  It must be some kind of special event since there was a cover charge, a live band and the place was swelling with bodies.

He pushed his way to the bar, finding a seat after some waiting and ordered a beer.  This was better.  It was so loud and busy he couldn’t think.  Just what he wanted.

After a few minutes, he felt a body very close to him.  He looked up and found a man looking at him, smirk on his face.  Aaron didn’t look away.  The man was attractive and clearly thought the same of Aaron.  It felt good to know he still had that effect on someone.

The man leaned down and said “I haven’t seen you here before.”

Aaron nodded, taking a sip of his beer.  Yelling over the music “yeah, it’s been a awhile.”

The stranger smiled before offering his hand.  “Jaime.”

Aaron smiled back.  Easy and loose from his drink.  “Aaron.” 

A seat next to Aaron had opened up so Jaime sat down.  They talked for a while, throats hurting from yelling over the commotion in the club, but it was easy.  They talked about football and beers and cars.  Aaron noticed Jaime kept moving closer but he was on his third beer and felt relaxed for the first time in what felt like forever.  He was enjoying the attention.  Whatever.

Eventually, they ended up so close that their knees were in between each others, leaning in close to talk.  “So you’re married?” 

Aaron looked down at his hand, flexing and relaxing it.  “Yep,” with a big emphasis on the p.

Jaime smirked.  “What are you doing here then?  Problems at home?”

Aaron met his eye.  It felt far too intimate, wrong.  But he couldn’t look away.  He just rolled his eyes and shrugged in response. 

Aaron felt Jaime’s hand move onto his leg, rubbing gently, moving slowly up higher and higher.  “No one deserves to be in an unhappy marriage, Aaron.  You should have fun and laugh and smile.” 

Aaron couldn’t look away from Jaime.  It would be so easy, wouldn’t it?  Jaime was fit and easy to talk to.  They could screw around and then Aaron could walk away.  His life was a mess and he just wanted to feel something other than helplessness and nerves all the time.  He watched as Jaime moved towards him almost in slow motion.  Aaron froze, not knowing what to do, when he felt it.

A shiver went down his spine like he had been splashed with cold water.  He pulled away from Jaime and started scanning the room, wondering if someone turned on a fan or opened a window or something but he should have known.  He should have known that the only thing to ever give him that feeling, to tip him off his axis, to give him goosebumps with no contact, to alter his world, was him.

He looked toward the door and saw Robert.  He was completely still but looking beautiful.  He had clearly made an effort with his hair styled and leather jacket over a nice button up.  Aaron’s jaw dropped and was horrified to realize Jaime still had a hand on his leg.  He stood up so quickly he knocked his stool over but he never broke eye contact with Robert. 

Aaron felt his heart shatter in his chest, the guilt and disgust with himself fighting to climb out of his gut through his mouth.  Robert didn’t look sad or shocked or angry.  He looked calm.  Accepting.  He gave Aaron a small smile before turning to leave and walking out the door, head hung low.  Aaron went to move but felt himself being pulled back.  He turned to find Jaime’s hand on his wrist, smirk still in place.

Aaron bent low, his face so close Jaime’s he could feel his breath against his mouth when he said “get your fucking hand off of me.”

Jaime’s eyes went wide before letting go, letting Aaron run to the door.  Once he was outside, he looked everywhere, praying Robert would have only gotten a small head start on him but he found nothing.  Aaron couldn’t breathe.  His chest felt tight, he was too warm and he was definitely going to be sick.  He pushed his hands into his hair, tears flowing freely, as he screamed at no one but himself “fuck, fuck, fuck!!”


	5. Chapter 5

The taxi ride home felt like it took forever.  It gave him too much time to imagine every possible scenario.  Robert packing a bag.  Robert taking Seb away.  Liv hating him.  Robert kicking him out.  Robert saying he hated him.  It was making him insane.

His leg shook up and down in the backseat as he tried FaceTiming Robert for the tenth time, again with no answer.  Aaron had been so stupidly angry and disappointed but what the fuck was he thinking?  That man in the bar was no one; could never hold a candle to his Robert.  And Robert had clearly made an effort.  He obviously was afraid to go out and he had.  Alone.  And that was the image he got to see.  His husband being felt up by a stranger.

Aaron bit down on the skin around his nail.  He couldn’t lose Robert, not after everything they’ve been through.  They were a proper family now and Aaron loved the bones of him, even though he had a shitty way of showing him.  They could work through this.  They had to.

When the taxi finally pulled up outside of Mill, Aaron tossed his money to the driver and practically fell out of the car, racing to the front door.  With shaking hands and breath held, he opened it, silently praying Robert would be here.  He wasn’t disappointed when he saw his husband pacing the living room, running his hands through his hair.

Aaron stood near the door, afraid of frightening him.  Robert was so beautiful.  He’d been amazing throughout this entire thing.  Classes and appointments while still being an amazing dad and brother.  The problems they had weren’t going to disappear but he needed to take some responsibility.  Robert didn’t deserve this.  Believing Robert may leave him really put everything into perspective.

Robert turned and was startled to find Aaron standing frozen, staring at him.  When Aaron noticed the tear tracks down Robert’s cheeks, he broke; a violent sob escaping his chest. 

_I’m so sorry_

Robert remained unmoved, tears silently escaping his eyes with Robert making no effort to swipe them away. 

_I’m so sorry but I promise nothing happened_

Robert stared Aaron down, probably searching for the lie. 

Aaron took a deep breath, trying to calm down enough to be coherent and not pass out.

_I was sad and lonely.  I felt like you didn’t choose me.  But that man wasn’t you.  No comparison.  I didn’t want him.  Nothing happened and nothing would have happened.  I love you.  Only you.  I’m so sorry._

Robert looked down to the ground, sniffling and wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.  He was clearly trying to breathe.  His jacket had been discarded and his button up had been loosened to show some of the expanse of his chest.  Robert put his hands on his hips, took one more deep breath and looked straight at Aaron.

“I don’t blame you for looking elsewhere.  If you need to leave, you need to leave.”  He said it so definitively, practically with a shrug, that Aaron wanted to scream. 

He shook his head, almost violently.

_I’m only leaving you if you make me leave._

Aaron felt bold, Robert’s eyes on him, scanning his face.  There were no bags packed by the door.  No dishes broken against the wall.  All of their photos were still pride of place.  And Robert was still home. 

He slowly moved forward, giving Robert the opportunity to move away but he remained solid where he stood.

Aaron brought his shoulders back and stood tall, absolutely sure in his love for Robert.

_I will never leave you.  Ever._

Aaron waited.  He was close enough to reach out and touch his husband.  He wanted to desperately.  To be held, to hold him, to feel Robert’s soft hair in his hands, to put his face in the space where his neck and shoulder meet.  That space that was made just for him.  But he knew Robert had the upper hand; Robert had all the power here.  Maybe he always had.  Aaron just hoped Robert knew that.

He saw the moment something shifted in Robert’s eyes.  They gained a glint that had been missing for so long and his eyebrows furrowed a bit in the middle, like he was considering something.  He licked his lips and bit at the bottom one. 

“You’re mine.”

A shiver ran down Aaron’s spine. 

There he was.  The man Aaron’s been missing for months.  The man Aaron fell in love with.  The man who could put him back together when the pieces all fell apart.  The man he needed.  Wanted.  Loved.

Aaron swallowed thickly and nodded.

“I’m yours.”

Robert moved then, taking from Aaron exactly what they both needed him to take.  Robert’s large hands came to either side of Aaron’s face, nails digging in slightly, and pulled him into a bruising kiss.  He parted Aaron’s lips with his tongue, swiping warmth and _Robert_ into his mouth.  Aaron could do nothing but hold on.  His hands flew to the back of Robert’s shirt, hands fisting in the fabric, unwilling to let this man go.

Robert made quick work of stripping Aaron of his clothes, shirt, jeans and underwear being thrown haphazardly throughout the room.  Aaron felt himself be forcefully guided towards the couch, hands and lips never leaving Robert.  His heart was racing and he really needed air but there was no way he was going to lose a minute of this. 

The back of his knees met the side of the couch and, with a slight push from Robert, he found himself naked, on his back, looking up at his husband.  Robert looked like a fantasy.  Aaron had had enough focus to get a few more buttons on his shirt undone and his belt loose before Robert had taken control again, but otherwise, Robert was fully dressed.  His hair was wild, pointing in all directions.  Sweat graced his forehead and his chest heaved with his labored breaths. 

Aaron was prepared to give this man everything and anything he wanted. 

As Robert slowly rid himself of his clothing, his eyes scanned up and down Aaron’s body, causing a blush to cross Aaron’s chest and up his neck.  Once Robert was fully undressed, glistening perfection in the low light, he put one knee on the couch, each of his hands on either of Aaron’s ankles.  He slowly, painfully so, slid his hands up towards Aaron’s thighs, grazing Aaron’s skin with his dull nails as he went.  Robert flattened his hands when he came to Aaron’s stomach, the soft skin of his palms rubbing Aaron just the right way.  His hands moved up Aaron’s chest and landed on the cushion, leaving Robert holding his weight over Aaron, eyes meeting, breath mingling. 

Robert lowered himself so that their noses just grazed, eyes intense and wild.  His hands tangling and pulling slightly in Aaron’s damp curls to tilt his head back.

Panting slightly, Robert repeated, “you’re mine.”

Aaron brought his hands up to Robert’s strong chest, dragging them around to his back, dragging his nails down drawing a path to his ass, causing Robert’s eyes to close and breath to stutter.  Aaron planted his feet on the couch and bucked up while pulling Robert’s hips down to him, their bodies already slick with sweat but fitting together like the puzzle pieces they were. 

Robert’s eyes were still closed, enjoying the sensation of Aaron against him.  Aaron lifted his head up and took Robert’s lower lip between his teeth, causing the older man’s gaze to meet his again.  Aaron released his lip just to lick that spot he had claimed as his.

“I’m yours.”

Robert shifted his weight, bringing one hand up to Aaron’s face.  He rubbed his nose lightly against Aaron’s while moving the pad of his thumb along Aaron’s full bottom lip, pulling down slightly. 

“I love you, Aaron.”

Aaron’s eyes welled with tears.  He hadn’t lost his husband.  Maybe in all of this insanity they would be able to rebuild.

He took the tip of Robert’s thumb between his teeth and bit lightly, quickly changing to licking and sucking gently.  He moved his hands back up Robert’s body, both ending up taking fistfuls of Robert’s hair to bring him down into a searing kiss.  When they pulled away, bodies unconsciously rubbing against each other in need, Aaron breathed out “I love you more.”

With that, Robert proceeded to take what was his for the next two hours.  And Aaron was more than happy to let him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's as close to smut as I'll get but I hope you enjoyed it!


	6. Chapter 6

Aaron woke slowly to the feel of sunshine across his face.  He stretched himself out, feeling sore in a way that made his face break out into a smile.  The previous night had been amazing.  He hadn’t felt that close to his husband in months, maybe longer, and it caused a stirring in Aaron; a fresh reminder of how much love he had for the man and the marriage they built.

He reached out to his left and felt a cold space.  Aaron, lifted his head slightly, glancing around the room and listened for any clues.  The shower was silent, there was no noise coming from downstairs and Aaron couldn’t stop the small pit that started to form in his gut.

As much as last night had meant to Aaron, maybe it didn’t mean the same to Robert.  Maybe it wasn’t enough.  At the end of the day, Aaron had broken Robert’s trust when he needed him the most.  One night of intimacy wouldn’t make that better.  

Aaron sat up with a groan, his back and backside aching, to reach for his phone.  He managed to sleep until half past noon and saw a text from Robert saying he was picking up Seb.  Aaron smiled and released a deep breath, nerves somewhat calmed.  He hopped out of bed, as gracefully as he could, and took the quickest shower of his life.  Today was a new beginning, an opportunity.  While the hot water washed away the last of Aaron’s guilt and nerves he began to form a plan.  

Robert had always been the better of the two when it came to romance and romantic gestures but he had taught Aaron well.  He was determined to put effort into their marriage, not just allow everything to happen to them.  A marriage took work, especially when they had as many challenges and hurdles as they did over the years.  At their core, they had nothing but pure love, Aaron had no doubt of that, but remaining happy and taking time for one another, that was a choice, a choice he’d make every day for the rest of his life.  His husband would never doubt his love and happiness in their relationship again.

He went to the closet and picked out the clothes he knew Robert loved on him.  Tight t-shirts and jeans were really all it took.  He made a mental note to find a reason to wear a suit again in the very near future.  Once dressed, Aaron practically skipped down the stairs.  There were still no signs of Robert, Liv or Seb so he headed out hoping to catch them for a lunch in the café or pub.  Maybe they could get out of the village for a bit, try a new restaurant, take Seb to the swings like he still loves.

Aaron was lost in his thoughts, feeling like a teenager preparing for a date, when he finally took notice of a small group of people gathered looking toward the B&B.  His heart quickened a bit, imagining Robert injured or something wrong with their son, life constantly kicking them in the balls, but as he got closer he realized, whatever was happening definitely wasn’t urgent.  

Tracy, Leyla, Charity, Vanessa and Priya all had a drink in their hand and were looking towards the garden.  Aaron caught every other word, things like “Jesus Christ” and “fit” and “thank God for the heat.”  Aaron snuck in silently next to Tracy whose sunglasses were balancing at the end of her nose while she peered over them, huge smile on her face.  He followed her eyes and found he completely understood why the ladies were practically drooling where they stood.  

In the garden was Doug, on his hands and knees, planting new shrubs.  Assisting, was a sweaty, tanned and topless Robert.  Following Doug’s direction, Robert was digging a hole, biceps and back flexing in the sun.  He shone like an Adonis, glistening with every twist of his body, freckles laid out like a map.  

Aaron’s own staring was only interrupted by Leyla next to him.  “Why in the world would he hide that body under those poncy shirts?”  

“I know!” Priya exclaimed, taking a sip of her drink.  “He wears so many layers, I assumed he was just skin and bone, freezing all the time or something.”

“It’s like he’s photoshopped,” a seemingly dazed Tracy groaned out, practically to herself.  “Men don’t look like that in real life.”

Charity snorted.  “He’d be a perfect man if he just didn’t speak.”

“You’re right there.”  The ladies all startled and turned, surprised by Aaron’s presence.  Some of the ladies looked embarrassed but Aaron just laughed, stealing Charity’s drink and taking a sip.  His face scrunched when the sweetness of the coffee hit.  “No worries, ladies.  I like staring, too.”  Feeling bold and confident, he gave them a wink and moved toward his husband.

The ladies of the village were right.  Robert was stunning.  Aaron was a lucky man and he knew it.  He also knew that beyond his beautiful body was a man that only Aaron truly knew, a man who would do anything for his family and always wanted to be better.  A good, kind man.

He didn’t want to startle Robert so he greeted Doug first.  Doug squinted up at Aaron and smiled, giving Robert’s leg a little tap and pointing toward Aaron.  Robert looked in Aaron’s direction, wiping sweat from his forehead and smiled.  Aaron smiled back and kissed Robert on the mouth, hard.  Maybe he was laying his claim in front of Robert’s admirers but Robert certainly didn’t seem to mind. 

_Thanks for letting me sleep in_

Robert smiled.   _No choice.  You were dead to the world_

Aaron laughed.  Wanted to tell him that’s what a marathon of fucking does to a person but he figured this wasn’t the place.

_Seb_ _?_

Robert pointed inside.   _We’re almost done_

Aaron nodded and headed inside.  He was greeted with a practical scream of “daddy!” and threw Seb into the air before giving him a monster of a cuddle.  Seb showed Aaron the drawings he and Nana Diane had been working on together.  

Aaron sat at the dining table with Diane while Seb continued to draw, serious concentration written all over his tiny face.  As he laughed at a story she shared about Doug’s solo attempt in the garden before Robert rescued him, he felt long, strong arms move down his chest and then cross to hold at his waist, accompanied by a kiss to the temple.  

“I’m ready when you are.”  Aaron held tight to Robert’s hands and twisted to make eye contact with him.  Robert had used his voice, in front of other people.  Aaron was overwhelmed and relieved.  So proud and so happy and, honestly, so turned on.  He kissed Robert, lingering long enough for Diane to clear her throat with a smirk.  

They gathered Seb up and headed back to Mill.  On their walk home they planned a night out, the four of them, texting Liv about dinner in Hotten which received a bunch of heart eye emojis as a reply.  Seb seemed to be exhausted from his time with his Nana so Aaron and Robert got him comfortable in his room for a little nap.

Robert kissed Seb’s head, brushing his fingers through the long, red hair which Aaron refused to let Robert cut,  and checked that he had his beloved giraffe before whispering an “I love you” in his ear.  

He gave a half asleep reply of “love you” from Seb and headed to their own room.  Aaron sat on the bed taking off his shoes and socks.  He wasn’t tired but he wouldn’t deny cuddles or a bit more from his husband if they were on offer.  However, he looked up and found an unreadable expression on Robert’s face.  That pit returned to his stomach.

Robert looked a little awkward, shifting his weight back and forth and fiddling with the hem of his shirt which had, unfortunately in Aaron’s opinion, made it’s way back onto Robert.  He cleared his throat and looked at Aaron.

“Last night was awful, Aaron.”  Aaron felt like he had just taken a punch to the gut and his face must have shown it as Robert quickly rushed forward and landed on his knees in front of Aaron.  Taking Aaron’s hands in his as he clarified.  “Not the night, Aaron.  What I saw at the club.  That was awful.  I knew we were drifting and I knew as soon as you walked out the door last night that I fucked up but seeing another man touch you, seeing you look happy with someone else, I-” Robert let out a shaky breath, looking down at the ground.  Aaron took hold of his chin and brought their eyes back together.  Robert’s were shining but he kept going.

“I’ve felt like only part of a man since the accident.  I’m scared a lot of stupid shit I’ve never had to worry about.  I’m afraid of missing out on moments that other people take for granted.  Not hearing laughter and “I love you’s” and the sound of you sniffling during kids movies pretending you aren’t crying.”  Aaron laughed and gave Robert a light slap to the arm, sniffling of course, since he was crying as per.

“I’ve been trying to figure out who I am now.  You’ve been great and so patient but it’s been hard.  I was doubting myself way before the accident ever happened.  Adding deafness just felt like too much to get over.”  Robert wiped his nose with his arm and sniffed.  He shimmied on his knees moving even closer to Aaron, ending up between his knees, foreheads pressed together.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel like I didn’t love you enough or that our family wasn’t important to me.  I’m sorry that I didn’t step up the way you needed me to.  I promise I’ll spend every day being the man you deserve.”  

Aaron sniffed again and opened his mouth to speak but was made silent by Robert’s hand coming up to cover his mouth.  Aaron’s eyes widened in surprise. 

“I’m sorry and I love you.  More than anything, I love you so much.  But you let me down, too.”  Robert’s hand moved away from Aaron’s mouth just as it fell open slightly.  “You didn’t talk to me about how upset you were.  I was just as guilty, not wanting to admit how over my head I was with everything, but you were angry and bitter and I didn’t know.  We’ve been together long enough that I know when something’s wrong but it doesn’t mean I don’t need you to spell it out sometimes.  I needed your help, y’know?  I felt like I was alone and was carrying all this guilt about not being enough, about disappointing everyone and it was like you weren’t there.  You slept as far away from me as you could, you didn’t answer my texts or calls consistently, you never offered to help.  You just shut down and shut me out.  It seemed like it was easier for you to be mad than to talk to me and that’s not who we are anymore.  We talk, we communicate, we work through shit.  I’m sorry that I didn’t step up but I think you should be sorry, too.”

Aaron looked down at their still intertwined hands.  His finger moved to the wedding band on Robert’s finger.  He took in the hands that encompassed his; large, soft, strong hands.  Hands that held him when he was falling apart, that held Liv close when she was struggling, that tickled Seb to make him smile, that cooked them delicious meals, that paid their bills, that took Aaron apart and then put him back together.  

He moved his hands from Robert’s, pushing them up his arms, feeling his strong forearms then defined biceps, strong shoulders, finally resting on the back of his neck.  

He rubbed his nose against Robert’s and closed his eyes against the sensation of intimacy that, to this day, was sometimes challenging for him.  He opened his eyes and slowly, simply said “I’m sorry.  I fucked up but I’m gonna do better.  I love you.”

Robert smiled, a tear falling down his cheek and nodded his head.  Aaron moved forward giving Robert a soft kiss he hoped conveyed all his regret and love.  

Robert gently pulled away and stood up, using Aaron’s thighs as leverage to stand.  He took hold of Aaron’s hands and yanked him into a big hug.  Aaron laughed and held on tight.  

“One more thing,” Robert practically moaned into Aaron’s ear causing an electric rush right down to his dick.  Robert’s hands moved from his lower back to his ass, pulling him in tight to his body.  Aaron hissed, the slight pain he felt reminding him of the previous night’s activities.  

“I need you to promise me that you’ll not go for another man again.”  Robert moved slightly so he could mouth at Aaron’s neck.  “That no one else will put their hands on you the way I do.”  He bit lightly, Aaron’s eyes closing, pelvis moving of its own accord, cock throbbing.  “That you won’t think of anyone touching you but me.”  He bit Aaron’s earlobe and pulled lightly.  “Can you promise me that?”  Robert released one of his hands so it could trace Aaron’s belt to the front of his body, fingers sliding ever so slightly behind the buckle, feeling the hair on Aaron’s lower belly.

Aaron’s legs were jelly, Robert’s arms the only thing keeping him on his feet.  Robert could have asked anything of him at this point and he’d agree but there was nothing as easy as answering this particular question.  He took a tight hold of Robert’s hair with both hands, pulling to get the eye contact he craved from Robert.  He nodded vigorously and whispered out a “Yes, I promise.”   

Aaron moved in to kiss Robert but he backed up, letting go of Aaron completely, putting what felt like mile between them.  He smirked and simply said “good.”  

Robert headed into the en-suite leaving Aaron frozen in place, stunned by Robert’s display of control and power.  He sat back, breathless, grateful the bed was there to catch his weight.  He adjusted himself, dick rubbing uncomfortably against his inseam.  He distantly heard the shower turn on and fell back, giving in to the fact that Robert played him.  

Lesson learned.

Aaron took deep breaths, trying to calm himself down.  He rubbed the heels of his hands into his eyes when he heard it.

“Are you coming?”  

Aaron’s head shot up and he took in a fully, gloriously naked Robert standing like a work of art in the bathroom doorway.   Robert smiled and backed his way into the bathroom, cocking his head slightly and turning to move into the shower giving Aaron a fabulous shot of his perfect ass.  Aaron had never gotten undressed faster in his life.  

His husband was waiting for him after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long but I'm very pregnant and very tired!
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Don't forget to visit me on Tumblr at scottt190


End file.
